Death One
by Pryox3n3 Phara0h Sh1n1gam1
Summary: Even when I pour my heart out to you I'm not sure if it shows, That I love you more than you'll ever know.
1. Act I

_I predicted your death in my hands._

He didn't notice it. He didn't notice her. So she thought most of the time. He never bothered to give her too much recognition to the girl for the most part. But then again, deep down he did acknowledge her and her kind gestures. She paid attention to him alot. He captivated her resonating mind. To her, he made her world brighter. At least she could look forward to waking up in the morning. Though she was aware that he didn't seem to take her into consideration or significance or importantce as she did him. It did sadden her. Because it was eating her away. It was breaking and ripping at her seams but she smiled through it. She couldn't remember a time she was ever happy...until he talked to her.

She would forget it. She would forget everything. The only thing she remebered was the fact that he didn't know of her existence so she thought. Welll waht she made based on assumptions. She contradicted herself alot of the time. Why did feelings prolong itself? This unofficial affair of madness had been extended from a time dating back when she was 2 years younger and he was 2 years younger but still older. Time aged both. She was more tuned to her surroundings and people. She picked up on vibes easily. Its hard to distinguish though whats actually being felt and whats created through the atmosphere of the situation. She knew him not to be irate but due to partial paranoia, she couldn't stop herself from asking. He would assure. She knew he wasn't as dense or hollow as others have claimed. She knew better.

So she sat there in a fixed dazed. He spent his time educating himself, speaking amongst others and satisfying himself or planning his escape. He had stopped a copule of times to help along the way or perhaps would become distracted by side attractions. He never strayed far and he never extended his stay. But he was chartering into the unknown problems where solutions might never become present. But that never onced stopped him from pursuing it none the less or pushing even further. He had dreams and he had goals and he wouldn't gamble it all away for the sake of another being. [So he believed.] Past orthodoxes prevented him from making the same mistake that would cost more.

But lately he had become dismayed by other road side attractions. Even though his attention seemed to deprive at the distraction he didn't truly forget the girl who was waiting. And at times he wouldn't leave her just to be alone or by herself. She appreciated the company and the words he would speak to her. She cherished the small, simple words in her heart for they held alot of meaning to her. And this is the light she clung onto. He might have not known but the questions did rise up in his chest from time to time that he had to question himself and what he felt. What he did with the feelings, who knew?

She swallowed hers. But it proved to be deadly when it started to poison her inside and out. Circulating through her veins and the bitter acidic taste of the possiblites burnt her lips in a beautiful manner. Harshness silenced her.

One day he began to question her after he had the pit of his stomach churn with curiousity. She tried her best not ot reveal such specifics for she did not want to be snitched out. Nor did she want to be completely blocked from his life due to her human emotions taking a form and a stand still. She wouldn't change them. No one could make her. It was hers after all. He kept provoked answers until she finally wire shut her jaw. And couldn't speak. It wasn't the time nor did she want to make herself appear akward to him. Even though she didn't know...He wouldn't care.

As long as he knew what was going on. He wouldn't judge. Hearts are made to accept & defend not to judge. At least the way he believed it to be. He dropped the subject and soon switched to another. In attempts to get the girl to engage in conversation. She did when she was offered. Sometimes, she'd remain silent or hidden. He would on look with observation as he mapped her out completely different from other girls. One you couldn't merely find but stepping outside in any open terrain. This one resided farther from home.

She thought him unique, amazing, wonderful & above all one in a million. She couldn't help but find herself drawn to him from the moment they began to know each other.

He wasn't sure if she knew, but the friendly letters she'd drop in his box on rare occasions, he still held on to those notes.

She meant every word she wrote. It took her quite a while to write. She wouldn't just send the same generic things to everyone. No. It was not in her nature. Plus she never really wanted to hurt anyone. Even though, when she placed others before herself, she'd get hurt. A price she had to pay to avoid unecssary hurt to others. In this situation, the golden rule(Treat others as you would want to be treated) and karmatic justice did not seem to exist or even be slightly implied in this world. Sad irony. That how the world spinned for the most part and trying to alter it's orbit, was that even possible?

She glared and smiled at her dusty screen, when the words entered onto her private view. Her heart began to swell and her eyes illuminated a happiness pure as can be. This man's intentions were whole hearted yet unintentional sometimes. Where the line drew between yes or no was blended into the horizon of the situation. No one drew a definite black line. Even if one was needed, niether would draw it. What for? Then things wouldn't be any fun.

He opened up his conversation & laughed to himself. She was too silly. But at most times, understood alot more than most "adult" people would know. She was acredited for being able to have a sense of humor while still keeping balance between all seriousness & began to respond and thought about it. How could he top this?

The girl browsed the cyber knitted world. Fililng her mind with ideas and time to pass by.

He sent it and then browsed too while blasting music inside his skull.

She sat in silence. She smiled. He was truly amazing. His name rolled off her tounge when she exclaimed a pleasurable message he spoke. She giggled and clasped her hands around her heart.

He laid back in his chair and stretched and rubbed his eyes once again and yawned. He was immensely tired but damn he needed to finish getting his shit done. He cursed everyone for talking to him and keeping him up late but then he saw her name and sighed in relief. At least he knew, she wouldn't keep him waiting and never asked for him to wait for her. He could go and come as he pleased. She could too. But she cose to stay. Strange. Free will was present but she did not excerise it...YET she did.

Her own free will consisted of staying without anyone asking. Peculiar girl. most girls did the reverse. They wanted him to stay. They wanted to make him wait on them. She would not.

She attended those she loved and cared for. She knew who needed company, comfort, space, time and so on. She knew what everyone was doing. It was almost as though she was playing a guessing game that she would win. She predicted the movements before hand. It was just empathy and experience that painted the images in her head. The girl was psychic.

The guy was strange himself. He was blunt at times, truthful, talked shit but backed it up for the most part to make it legit. He was full of tricks and talents. Full of riddles, words and songs unwritten. When the time came he'd sing, reflect then smoke.

He took a deep breath in and rubbed his temples as he searched the cyberworld for evidence.

Like any other human, he prefered to keep the dead corpse buried in his heart. Like she does. Weeds were protruding form the graves due to the filthy secrets but silence kept it under control. The dirt intertwined and mixed with the decaying matter producing a sweet delicate smell of rotting flesh & remorse.

None the less, she wouldn't dare reveal a word. He wouldn't breathe a word until he was sure or decided to say fuck it. She was waiting for to be certain, she was pushing him to move.

_If you love me, let me know. If not then please, gently let me go._

He ran his fingers through his hair and talked outloud of how much of a piece of shit the equipment was.

She laid on her stomach on her bed to type and browse. She then sat up and elevated herself to keep her fatigue from settling in and getting the best of her.

He paced around the room. Another message sprung forth on his screen. Not her. Nevertheless, he wasn't rude so he replied to it. He slightly frowned and then headed elsewhere for a while.

She stood memorzied by the screen flickering in her eyes. She couldn't help but feel her interior boil up with an unfamiliar joy. He made her feel. She didn't question if she was alive or if she was human with him. She knew. Interacting with him proved her validated existence. She wanted to return the feelings he provided her. She wanted to make him feel the same happiness she felt that he brought her. Through all of the stress and pain that was ailing him she was determined to find a reason to make him smile. Passion seemed to provail. Though paranoia and doubt crept up to her mind she shook her head in disbelief. She closed her eyes adn tried to imagine life on the other side. Plagued by fatigue he sipped energy from a bottle. He was dwindling to get his work together and done.

She hummed music in her head and glanced at the window outside. **Snow.** cold.

He looked out his window when he heard something brush up against it. Leaves fell. Cool. Moderate.

Opposite sides of the world, opposite sides of the coast.

She had wished for snow. But not for her. But for him since it was one of his favorite things to see. She smiled slighlty at the bright particles falling onto the ground.

He inhaled the scent of the greenery that seemed to seep into his room and linger around. His spirits sank below a bit.

Her chest deflated as she felt a bit of tension in it. She inhaled deeply and sighed. She wanted to make something known. But she completated the descion. If it would be okay or remotely fine to make such a bold hearted move. An act driven by repressed love. Who would ever know of its outcome?

Not even the girl of supernatural phenomenas could predict the reaction.

He placed his face into his hands and his eyes fluttered between conscienousness and sleep.

Her hands made a form around her face. She bit her lip and closed her eyes and sank back into her mind.

He slipped into an emptiness.

She slipped into nothing.

No words exchanged.

No goodnights necsessary.

_As death is upon us we are not afraid to race to a conclusion._


	2. Act II: Endlessly

_I returned to you but found, my empty radio told me to stay, As it burned down I sang alone. You will outlast my love. "I will wait for you." She said. "Endlessly."_

The snow filled up her little world with iced hope. She tried finding symbolism in the bipolar weather, that the previous day before was warm, sunny & light. Now cold, cloudy & frozen. Her breath was present in the air as she inhaled sharply and sighed then unlocked the door.

He rubbed his eyes and slowly emerged from his bed. Dimmed light shined through into his room as he got up and walked around to wake himself up. All of his stuff was done. Nothing was left to complete. He didn't want to revise over it after all the time he spent on it last night. The day had just begun for him yet already ending...

She cleaned the mess they left for her. Mumbbling and cursing under her breath in frustration as she finished up and headed towards her safe haven. She pulled out her screen and gained access on. Names appeared before her eyes but not the one she hoped for. She pouted. Her head pounded as the thoughts twisted and entangled themselves with in her brain. She leaned back, cracked her spine and then rested her face in the cup of her hand as she looked upon the bright windows opened. Browsing the virtual world. She updated a few things as according to her mood and read over other peoples actions, moods, updates and so on while she waited. Others talked to her but were disappointed by her lack of conversation and interest she showed them. One became mad and stopped words with her. She didn't mind. She secretly wanted that so she wouldn't have to listen to their bullshit today anyway. She would listen to them go on and on and on again. Which she saw nothing wrong with that except wheenver she protested against anything they would ignore her, bitch her out for feeling that way, criticize or whatever else they could find wrong with the girl. She didn't argue. She didn't want to waste her time with someone that she didn't feel the least concerned about. She played music to drown out the silence. Awaiting for him. Awaiting for a friend who knew and felt the same exact way about someone else.

Both girls in the same position as one another except it varied in the people, how they handled and the situation details. Each one had both guys names on their lists. Doing a favor for both of each other by keeping tabs on the guys for one another.

Not many could relate to the brittle situation. Others would often get angry or express displeasure. Secluding them from others.

They waited for a response. Waited for the guys to bother getting on.

Miles away & around the world.  
Hearts connected.  
Destines intertwined together to make a living embodiment of wishes. Wishes & actoins that would ultimately drive itself to become one and be lived out as according to the strongest will.

_I will not die in solitude. I will die in your arms._

She felt strong feelings towards him. At times so strong it would attract him into arriving at certain places, at certain times without him even aware because her intentions were embedded deep within his psyche. They only surfaced through his acts and actions.

A couple of hours ahead of her time, he had just gotten home. Through his unconcious will, he signed on immediately, seeking some human noise to distract him. Then he decided to take care of a few things before retreating to the screen. She yawned. Her fatigue was taking a toll but she could not sleep.

_Love makes time pass. Time makes love pass._

She had never slept well for 3 years ever since she awaken to the horror of her life being completely false and the truth being the very nightmare she had tried to hide from. Everyones all had their share of struggle & late nights. Just some seem to last longers than others.

He saw her name. He almost ... but left it alone. It would be better for her to say something first. Then he would know for sure she really wanted to talk to him.

She saw his name. She waited...She wasn't sure. Should she speak to him first? Let him know that it was alright to talk? She hesitated. Gulped and then began..

Okay. She DID want to talk. She could talk. He responded back to her. Back & forth the conversations went.

Her friend was doing the same. Talking, chatting.

They both tried to make things clear for the guys.

She kept hoping for more snow. She was hoping for this hell to freeze over for a while. She did not want to go back there. Sighing. There wasn't any chance of it freezing though.

He then realized he had business to take care of far from home. Things that he really wanted to actually do and people that he hadn't seen for a couple hours that he wanted to hang. Who knows? Maybe fool around with whatever wrench that decided to make a whore-ish suggestion. He pondered the thought. Tch, he'd find something to do.

She stared at the words of goodbye. But the way he said them...It still made her smile even though, he was leaving to do whatever it was. She would be alone for the rest of the night. Something she didn't particulary enjoy. But for whatever it was worth, never the less. She would still be sitting there. It would seem like forever and she would count the hours passing by that she would be missing the company...It wasn't the love that was hurting her for the time being, it was the loneliness she felt when he left. She'd be missing him and counting down.

_I have been waiting for you, biting as you taught me to. I have come to relieve you of Life and love.  
"I will wait for you." She said, so spoke misery. And I will bite straight through. As I wait for you, Dear… Endlessly._


	3. Act III: Hopeless Love

If stating what I feel drives you farther away from me then I shall keep silence & suffer. Perhaps I'm trying to hard...

_You wouldn't even smile if I were screaming as the water filled my lungs._

Her eyes fell upon the blank screen. No sign, no trace. Her world was silent and the only sound heard was her shallow breathing. She buried her face into her palms. Dreams could not fill the present hole of it missing.

He wasn't haven't the time of his life but it was still pretty damn good. He was still enjoying his time. He needed the break, no laws, no gravity for a bit. He grinned a bit and took a deep breath in and let out a cloud of his worries. Leaving it to disintegrate into the atmosphere. Suddenly a desperate chick dressed in trash and plastic came passing by in an attempt to gain his attention. He noticed but was hesistant at first. But he sank back, relaxed and followed her. It could prove itself to be fun.

Nothing, nobody was on his mind right now. The only thing that made sense to him was having a good time. He seemed to forget everything for the moment but he liked it. Never once did the girl cross his concious mind at this heat of the moment. But in the back of his head he had no idea.

_There's nothing I can do to draw you close to me. Can you take this silence like a pill so I can breathe again?_

She wasn't fully aware of the situation. After all she was here and he was there. She felt her heart sinking though as her thoughts were eating her alive. Somehow, she had a foreign feeling of what he might of been doing. It disappointed her. But it wasn't like he knew anyway nor could he possibly care none the less. **It wasn't fair.** She cared but no one else did. And most of all he didn't. Which was hurting her the most. She could with stand the riducule presented to her daily but this was different. To feel, to almost in a sense 'know' that no one else gave a shit about how she felt and that he didn't give a shit.

The worst part, was not knowing where he stood. And having the sense that he didn't but at times did. The confusion was playing tricks on the poor creature. She hated this. She wanted to drift into a coma.

_What would it take for me to be with you? I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed. Please be impressed...I'd go so far to please you but I bet you wouldn't care at all. Hopless love please leave me. This broken heart is far too weak to run for you this long. Why don't you care at all? I'm dying for a place in your heart._

She bit her tounge, then laughed.

He felt a biting at his tounge. A echoing in the back of his skull and a bubble rising in his chest. He blinked at the peculiar yet familiar nipping. He rubbed the back of his head and stood up for a second. The plastic chick looked up at him and detested and gestured for him to sit back down. He ignored her and walked outside to get air. He stretched and glanced around. Everything was in a fixed hazed.

_I've been trying to ignore the best part of you. I'm still hoping that I'll be with you somehow._

The biting had ceased and released a sigh. He bit his lip & laughed along too.

_Please be home tonight. I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right. I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way I feel, everytime you're here. Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me? this broken heart is too weak to hold your weight & now I regret the day we met. & Help me forget your name._

There is one pain I feel which you will never know because it is caused by the abscence of you.


	4. Act IV: Departure

**You're not worth my tears, you're not worth the heartache. I don't know why I give you the time. You're not worth the pain, You're not worth the emptiness. I don't know why I wish you were mine.**

_This weight is so unbearable. Caving my lungs. Ways of devotion turn to obsession open your eyes  
I want you to see what you've done to me crying out those eyes_

Little lights danced across his opened them to reveal a much larger world greeted with thousands of lights. It was truly an amazing site to see. Not many could get a chance to see such a spectacular thing. He smiled a bit. It was nice. Nice to departure from the secluded area of his home. He could now seek solace in the new area & find plenty of distractions. Friends, drinks, $, smoke, women, bright place, surely this was an earthly heaven.

Her stomach twisted up in knots and bubbled in emptiness. She shut her eyes to the lights that played itself across the screen. She cried out in frustration and sorrow. She hated to know he left but then again a deep wrenching at her chest told her otherwise. She was **bitterly happy** for him. Bitterly happy. Glad that he could find time to have fun and for himself. But she was envious and struck with grief at the fact she had to always remain behind. Everyone would go, she would stay and be left behind until she caught up on her own. It bothered her deeply. It was begining to corode her slowly erosive damage. It wouldn't be so bad if she knew that another someone, that she did consider more than a friend was tagging along too. .sometimes he would slow his pace to help her catch up. Sometimes the crowd and moving feet would rush him to move forward too fast, and she'd be left out of breath trying to catch up. She didn't want to be left alone. She didn't want to be the last man.

_Run away from all the pain-all the pain of life. Bring my end to an end._

She knew that there was past orthodoxes between a friend of hers and him. She felt it impose on her heart and mind. Her friend was at the same destination where he resided. It wasn't fair. Cuz she wasn't "old" enough. It bothered and threatned to not let her breathe. Who knows what could go on btw the . She didn't want to think about it the fact that she wasn't given a chance to even prove anything to anyone. Sad. She had been violated and betrayed by the same friend but the harm was unintentional. They didn't mean to. But its not like they knew they did anyways. Numerous times she had tried to detest out to it but her method was indirect but strongly implied. She felt her chest being ripped open again. the least thing her dear friend could do was leave her him. Leave her something. That was the only small hope she clung onto. Did they really have to take it away? They took it away what she had before. But now...This too? She hoped they would take her into consideration and see the damage it was doing. Take her feelings into consideration and how she felt about it all. She begged through her tears. Through her choking breath. She cursed herself and asked if they could spare some pity and leave her the light in her dark life.

Unfair. Will you not leave me with some kind of love in this world? You have yours, let me have mine. Please leave me some kind of hope, don't take my chance away, don't fail me before I've even begun.

Her hatred was beginging to rise again. Like the other countless times where things would settle deep in and burn a hole straight through her. Anger was starting to leak through as it displayed itself in her violate rampage around the home. Throwing things, cursing, screaming, pulling at her hair, kicking shit around. She didn't stop until she exhausted herself. She pulled her body close and hummed.

_Razors kiss the vein overdose for pain. A 12 gauge cross to the forehead a savior in a shell_

There was music entangled inside his skull. He didn't know what to make of it or how it came about. But it sure was catchy. He hummed along to the unfamilar tune and looked upon with interest at his friends. So much to do! But what to do? This starry lit land provided many choices for spending expenses but the promise of winning large. Little. Though, he didn't give up hope.

He sunk low back into the chair cried out at the hand he held. He then laid the decorated paper on the table and grinned. The older married woman cried out in anger while a fairly tall man chuckled and tossed the cards behind him. The others groaned in disatisfaction. He took another whiff from the grass in his other hand and let it out in a complete victory. His luck was looking good. He continued to hum out loud while the 'house' keeper reshuffled the stack to be passed out again.

_Fuck the people, Fuck the world, Fuck it all._

She hummed.

A couple of hours ahead, the girl stalked about the dark dwelling. What the fuck could she do to pass the time? She narrowed her eyes in grief as she turned on the TV and sat with her screen on her lap.  
Occasionally glancing at the TV. Life was dull. She browsed the online world for some kind of relief. She checked her list. Of course his name wouldn't appear. She bitg her tounge in annoyance and then proceeded to browse some more. A message appeared and her hopes were high until she saw the name. She really disliked the person that insisted on imposing on her. Hate was such a strong word though. So she substituted the word though the emotion could not. She loved the phantom man. Not the one spamming her page. No. The ghostly like man miles away. Many miles away. She wished she could of been there. Damn her cursed age. She loved him and she knew it. There was no mistaking it. It was that feeling. That butterflies in the stomach feeling. A prolonged feeling that had been present from the moment she really got to understand him. This astranged feeling unfamliar to a human heart not truly shown love but compensation and desperation. Nothing of true value. She felt genuine feelings for the shadowed man that haunted her heart. He was a geunine to her. She felt a fire burning in her throat ready to erupt, a blue flame never extinguished, but nevertheless, burning. Burning a hole in her grief and sorrow and revealing a passion, determination, love. etc. It burnt away the flesh of fake pretensions. Oh how she would give everything and anything to be his & for him to be hers! Free. But still belong to each other. She would not leash him nor bind him like a dog, for he was a human. Free to do whatever he pleased. But she still wanted to 'have' him. To know she'd have someone waiting for her in her empty home. Though he might of been deaf to it, he would always have someone and somewhere to return to. She would make sure to the best of her ability. The Heart of a young woman unfolded while being crushed down by the weight and pressure of not a single soul knowing of her epitome.

_Open my arms. Bleed out the flood. In crimson I begin to drown._

She was an adolescent independent soul. He was too. To the extent. As everyone had their own limitations. Hers seemed not to trend across much of a boundary. Once she would become free of her parents duties she would travel the skies to excersie her newly gained freedom. Go places, do was a caged bird, sneaking out the back door window at night and returning in the morning before anyone awoke. She wanted to touch the cobalt that always reflected from the dirty water in her cup. No more strings attatched to her wings, no. She would no longer have to fly by moonlight and onyx skies. Soon she would be able to dwell in the cerleuan ocean above her. She was a girl of freedom but a young woman of independence.

_Don't want to be near you for the thoughts we share, but for the words we never speak. _

She wanted to be with him at whatever cost. She was stubborn. She saw no alternatives. She wouldn't give up. Not on him. Definately not on him. No one could come between her & that aspect. She wouldn't allow it, even if its a famliar pair of hands daring to tempt him, she would cut them off. She would fight. One thing, she had learned. To fight for what you believe in. Or whoever you believe in. She placed her trust in him. She would defend it to the very end. A ailing cry of inverted failure pierced the silence and set forth a titanium Persistence scorched her eyes. He had created a sense of self and being with in her thus starting a vicious cycle of primal survival.

Between the laughs, long conversations, short words she fell in love with him. It could not be saved.

_Distance yourself from the pain that covers me. I reach out for your hand to find there's nothing left for me . _

He looked at his phone and a small smile appeared. It was funny in a sense. Someone cares...Well, she cared. She bided him a safe arrival and joy amongst his travel. He had to smile. Despite the fatigue in his body. He replied back and then tucked his phone beneath his pocket and headed off humming.

Her song that she was humming was starting to come to an ened but she stretched it. She felt something vibrate in her on top of her bosom and she sat up and checked it. She cried out in joy and smiled. He had no idea how happy he made the girl. It was unbelievable. It was an ectasy to her heart.

She danced and she sang.

**You're a drug, keeping me high. You're a drug & I'm addicted. I'm not afraid to say I'm addicted to your spoonful of laughs & smiles, I'm not scared to swallow your pills of kisses. I'm not afraid to overdose, on your love. I'm not scared to love you. I'm addicted. Don't need a cure.**

He settled inside the car. Watching the lights flash before him in a haze. His palms outlined the shape of his weary face. His eyes half closed, but his mouth open he sung softly so no one else could hear. And sang & sang...

_In to the ears of one another, a melody is played for the looming in the intimacy, they sleep in secrecy._

Her head titled towards the side as she drifted off elsewhere. Projecting herself to another place in time. She sang. Sang until the last word escaped her lips and greeted his.

_**I didn't think you will come now at this age and time of this illusion of life but between these bars I tell you how much I love you and do not ever doubt me. I will be yours in every moment of this life which I live to you.**_

_[Fly away little bird...He puts out his hands to catch the little bluebird, descending from the skies to be with the captivator of her heart.]_


End file.
